Research, Science and Technology

Weird things I did when my daughter died // Infant Loss

When Noah-Lee passed away, we went through a roller coaster of emotions – none of which we were prepared for.

I look back and wonder how/why I was able to do some of the things we did in the days and first weeks after she passed. What were we thinking!? Well, we weren’t.

Please feel free to share any weird stories you have in the comments so “I” don’t feel so alone!

Instagram: @itsjudeaaa @rememberingnoah_lee

Dj Quads – Missing someone
Pure Imagination – Future

PO BOX 4316
Mount Maunganui South
Bay of Plenty


24 comments on “Weird things I did when my daughter died // Infant Loss

  1. Grief id weird. I think you were pushing down your emotions obviously and that how you were able to do all those things. Anyone who's lost someone wouldn't blame you. Its like the first time you laugh after someone dies. You watch a funny movie and forget for a second. Then feel guilty and strange. But you needed that laugh. That escape. That normalcy.

  2. our brains coping mechanism maybe trying to give you some serotonin n distract cause it’s so much to handle ❣️ I have ptsd and did a lot of weird things to cope
    ✨✨sending you love & blessings ✨✨

  3. When my dad passed away I went into complete practical mode. I wanted to sort everything out and be in charge of everything. I contemplated getting a tattoo (never wanted one before) and I bought myself an expensive purse and did things like getting my nails done. Looking back I think how did I have the strength to do any of those things. But I think I was on complete auto pilot and my brain just wanted to do things that felt familiar.

  4. In my religion (the ahadith) mention how those children who die are in Paradise and are under the care of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s.).
    He mentioned things that he had seen, then he said: “We set off, and we came to a verdant garden, in which were all the colours of spring, where there was a man who was so tall that I could hardly see his head in the sky. Around the man was the largest number of children I had ever seen…”
    Then among things that the two angels explained to him was: “As for the tall man who was in the garden, that was Ibrahim (عَلَيْهِ السَّلَام). As for the children who were around him, these are all the children who died in a state of fitrah.”
    Now imagine your child playing in that beautiful place free from all problems, pains and evils. Imagine him or her in the care of Prophet Ibrahim (a.s.) whom Allah describes as Khalilulah (the friend of Allah). Doesn’t that give peace to the heart? And then the hope of meeting them there one day.
    So, the apparent loss shows to be infinite gain in the end. It is only because of our limitedness that we cannot see this bright aspect.
    and those children will wait for their parents and will welcome them to Paradise❤️

  5. I lost my daughter "Nouha” when she was six months and two weeks old
    I know exactly how you felt I hope to see them in the Gardens of Eternity and rejoice with them and there with them,

  6. I’ve never wanted to hug a mama like I did today. The algorithm brought me here. A year ago I lost a daughter. She was a stillborn and it’s been the worse year of my life and I’ve been crumbling. But videos like these I find a light…

  7. I lost my baby at 24 weeks with preterm labor. I was given the option of them working on him or being able to hold him while he took his last breaths. I took a mixture of both because in the moment all I wanted to do was hold my baby that I just knew would be okay. He took his last breaths in my arms. Your videos have helped me! I too went through something similar where we bought a golf cart randomly and just constantly spent money on something. It isn’t weird at all. We all have things that help us get through. Praying for you and your family ❤️

  8. I feel like there’s a lot of expectations on you when grieving, how long you should be visibly sad for, how you should show that you are sad, when you need to get over it and move on, I found it really hard being around people because of that

  9. When I was dealing with a lot of grief I dealt with it by sleeping all the time and buying random stuff on ebay. I ended up buying cheap bidding items so that I could spend like 50p a day instead of buying actual things for like £20 every day, I just got stocking fillers so they would be useful, but it seemed like I was trying to fill the void with things

  10. The weirdest thing I felt after burying our son was secretly wanting to go and dig him up. He passed away the day before Halloween. His costume was hanging up when we got home, the pumpkin seeds were out drying to be roasted. I just remember every little detail that just ripped me apart. We had to go Christmas shopping just a few weeks later for our other child who was just two. Worst experience of my life. The things I wanted so badly to be buying for him. It was torture. Being a parent is hard.. but being a bereaved parent, I’m sorry but it’s just so much harder. Sending you love and light my dear. Xo ❤️

  11. Oh baby girl! There's nothing weird! Sure it may cause someone to say why but unless someone has walked your shoes they better not judge you and how you or brogan handled any of this and still do.

  12. Wishing you so much luck and positive vibes on your fertility treatment journey❤️❤️ miss Noah is going to handpick the sweetest brother or sister👼

  13. A few months ago a family friend of mine died at the age of 20 in his sleep, for unknown causes (possibly an unknown heart disorder). His dad within the next few days cleared almost everything of his. His poor mum wanted to hold on to more, like tennis rackets and things, but his dad went and returned them and sold his bedroom furniture and what not.
    Everyone is different. Everyone does what they have to do. Life in a weird, bizarre, ironic and fucked up way goes on. While his own father was “getting on” with it, I was crying in my bed for 3 days. In a weird way, the more removed you are from the tragedy the more you can grieve safely. His own father found him in his bed the next day. His only son, at 20 years old, gone for no good reason. In that moment he probably knew on some level, like you did, that there is no moving on. There is no process, there is no pattern, or book or way of coping to get through. It just is.

  14. Grief is such a strange and interesting thing. My close girlfriend lost her two babies in a terrible accident and I remember watching her keep so busy at the funeral. She didn’t stop once and I just wanted to slow the day down for her so she would never have the next day, week, year ahead to fade that numbness. I am the child of parents who lost a child too young and I have the utmost respect for anyone who is unlucky enough to experience it.

  15. We don’t learn how to grieve. So, whatever we feel at the moment or what our reaction is shouldn’t be judged.
    You are definitely a brave and strong woman. Sending you hugs.

  16. I lost my Mother 3 years ago. She was my best friend, the only person on this planet who understood me, and my comfort person. Watching your videos helps me more than I can express. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel honored to know Noah-Lee through you ❤️

  17. Grief is so rough. While our world crumbles around us. The world also keeps going. And we are always conscious of not making people feel uncomfortable with our grief. The balance is near impossible. Sending love and luck with your appointment xoxo

  18. Nothing you did was weird. It’s survival mode and distraction. Xx -We did the photo thing too.. after my older brother died. (He was 22 and died due to a person giving him a party drug and the drug was not what he was told it was.. and he died in his sleep. The person who gave him the drug went to jail. We had a great upbringing and were always in good environments.. so it was a shock that he even took a party drug. Anyway.. my parents changed and my younger brother and I had to grow up quick). I cannot imagine the pain on the parent. I only know the pain of losing a sibling. We celebrate my late brothers birthday every year and we get together on the anniversary of his death aswell. I think it’s lovely to keep peoples memory alive, especially when it’s a young person/baby. Getting through each day.. is the best thing. I hope you are blessed with more babies.. Noah Lee’s siblings. You are so amazing! Big virtual hugs 🥰

  19. i think you were just going through the stages of grief. you still are, but in the beginning you were just in shock and then denial. that's why you did all these things like buy a new tv and get facials. you hadn't yet emotionally processed it.

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